12/1/03
I'm tired, overwhelmed, confused, everything but content. What a life.
Some friend. She thinks I'm being naïve. People assume too much.
I mean it doesn't bother me in an angry way. I'm just ready to move on.
I feel like I want to go to another country. I follow rules and paths and
what's expected of me. I'm tired of it. For once, I feel like walking off the path
to something different. Whatever. I'm not interested in talking to her anymore.
Would she like it if I pointed out her bitchiness and horrible voice?
I won't be calling her anymore.
11/14/03
Ah, can you blame me? I'm a bit surprised myself to suddenly realize I'm writing again.
Especially after I slumped over in a chair clicking and dragging in Paint Shop Pro.
I even attempted to draw a caricature of myself after mindlessly studying over
the book of how to for hours. I don't think I have yet to capture the essence of the art
due to me not wanting to look too absurdly comical. But I'm getting there. :-)
10/24/03
The day we broke the record: 100° and way into the last part of October.
Whispers of summer linger like madness. The uneven accent humming in such
a wistful tone that I wish I could pull up a metaphor to argue on its behalf,
blaming the margin of day, or the sun, large as soccer balls,
that it moves the time too quickly. I could reconstruct the precarious normality
but my imagination lacks the resiliency the words posses.
9/02/03
I laugh at the person who I am. I mock the person who I am. And I don't realize it.
I wonder sometimes if I have too much substance in me. *Sighs
8/20/03
Is that what my love life will be like? Look, but don't touch? It's kinda sad.
I think I might be a compatible girlfriend to any guy, but I'm not willing to stop
my life for a few moments with my boyfriend. Some relationship.
Well, it's who I am and what I value. I value my private moments and my work.
7/14/03
Sometimes I despise this fear, so genuine and vivid. I unconsciously
keep my hands over my face; they call this attempt cowardice,
I call it disguise. One day, everything will be condensed in red,
an afterglow of death, neither gold nor green, like skies on Mars.
...and if you care enough to ask, "How's the weather there?"
While I blink my tears away, I'll say, "Hazy, everything is red here,"
for I'm a resident of Mars.
6/12/03
How could you possibly hate AOL when all they ever do is send you cute tincans
plus all the colorful CDs you want to line your wall with?
5/20/03
Marigolds nodding in window box, clouds pressing against the blue sky.
4/20/03
One time too many that I have watched my elegant thoughts involve
themselves in a conspiracy. If only I have found a way to intercept
their attempts, with pen and paper maybe, before the images disappear
completely, I wouldn't feel as if I have just been hit by a "flown de coop" act.
3/8/03
For the love of Benson...
He believes strongly in the right of the press and media, and I do too,
therefore he wields his pen on politics, national or global, as he sees fit.
I can see, though, how his cartoons on NATO earned him harsh critiques,
but you've got to admire his skill, sharp and poised, like a stiletto
I would wield if I were to battle rogues.
2/22/03
I can't believe it, considering the extended length of time
I had let The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask sit around before
I decided to finish it, now I'm drooling over GameCube's The Wind Waker,
the latest sequel. So I'm just wondering if it would be worth the hassle,
you know, buying the new game unit, and no doubt, starting the whole
new collection of games. One thing for sure though, I would really,
really love to get the chance to defeat the bad guys in this game.
Can I say 'really' one more time? Really.
2/15/03
Gotta love those mixed CDs. Imagine the trouble and the length of time the
creators spent, with care, choosing the desired music to be grouped together
so they can enjoy their favorites all at once.
To be more specific... I love the one that was delivered to me on
Valentine's Day, followed by a box of miniature hand-sculpted chocolate.
The sweetness on my tongue was mellow and wonderful but failed to measure up
when compared to the mood each song on the CD generated, the blend of our
favorites coalescing and touching.
2/3/03
Suddenly it was "Challenger" all over again, but this time in reverse.
It was unknown to me, until after that doomed day, who the seven astronauts
on shuttle Columbia were when the aged orbiter left earth 16 days before.
The footage replaying over and over again on TV emphasized how deep the tragedy
made the imprint on our minds. I can't even bear to emulate the depth of loss
the family members of each astronaut are feeling. I'm not even sure my empathy
can ease their pain, but there they have it, from the bottom of my heart.
1/12/03
I can feel your breath on the ceiling, loitering
like an echo of a dream. Come down my sweet.
Glide your violet whispers over my skin, my secrets.
Make my heart beat in tempo of ancient drumbeats
until the rumpled sheets become nothing
but a tangled annoyance.
1/02/03
I wonder if it's ever right for us to play god over our pets
when they're old, sick and helpless, or rather, they can't be helped.
That's the time when the owners need to decide whether they should have
their pets be put out of misery, just like our good old cat we've had for
14 years, granted that her weight went from 13 lbs. to 5.5 lbs. within a year,
granted that she threw up several times every night, granted that she hardly
had strength to push open a kitchen door, but she appeared to be happy
just to be alive, with us...
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Musings
