14 Signs Your Kitty Wants You Dead
14. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
13. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
12. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
11. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
10. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
09. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas,
08. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
07. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
06. You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
05. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
04. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
03. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
02. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" that reads "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
01. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.
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